Thursday, December 31, 2009

look at this fucking joke

Venomous egg-laying duck/beaver? If there is a creator, she has a great sense of humor.

-sent from Adam's friendly robot phone

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

look at this fucking stoned chipmunk

duuuuuuuude... this tree is nutsssss mannnnn

look at this fucking sexually frustrated monkey

apparently the fellow monkey hoes don't finish the job.

look at these fucking unwelcome bears

bear cubs apparently have no concept of private property.
this is where sub par bear parenting gets you.

look at these fucking elusive gorillas

mmm, figs.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

look at this fucking rude goose

haven't you heard of personal space?

edit: this might actually be a duck. however, it's difficult to discern from this close, and i like the loose rhyme scheme of rude + goose.

look at this fucking naked bird.

look at this fucking bunny soup

just add carrots. not for you, Mr. Rabbit...

Monday, December 28, 2009

look at these fucking turtles

look at this fucking aggressive parrot

look at this fucking poorly designed fish

No, it does not have two brains.
Those iridescent orbs are its upward facing eyeballs.
Perfect for snooping on food and foe above. Also, an indicator that these fish are frequently attacked from below by predators they never see. Evolution isn't always perfect. That's why it's called Evolution.

-sent from Adam's friendly robot phone

Saturday, December 26, 2009

look at this fucking lovable beast

He acts all hard but he's really a big wuss.

-sent from Motorola Droid

look at this fucking cat in a hat

The caption of this photo was "even cats get knit hats". Well no shit, but look at this fucking adorable teddy bear it's holding. Apparently hats are cuter than kittens holding teddy bears? I think not.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

look at this fucking festive hedgehog

have a happy and safe xmas weekend.
by happy, i mean that i hope you receive lots of useless shit that provides nothing but distraction from your meaningless existence.
at least that's what I'm hoping for.
and by safe, i mean don't grab hedgehogs! they're spiky!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

look at this fucking stoner hangout

these polar bears must have gotten into the Inuits' private stash of arctic hash.
i imagine a sample bear conversation progressed in this manner:
"dude, look at that plump white seal. it looks fucking scrumptious."
"that's an igloo."
"hahaha bear lolz"

look at this fucking raunchy lion

this king of jungle is mighty satisfied right now, so please don't interrupt.
oh god, run!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Look at this fucking special tiger

Retarded or not, this huge cat is the man.

-sent from Motorola Droid

Sunday, December 20, 2009

look at this fucking couch potato

even a friendly pet hamster enjoys relaxing with some good quality television programming. free advertising.
now where's my check, Comcast/NBC/Telemundo/Hulu?
Photo courtesy of M Rossman.

look at this fucking depressed elephant

this is what happens when we put animals in cages.
humans, you (we) suck.
wait, that wasn't funny.
ok i promise the next one will be funny.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

look at this fucking play on words

It's a keyboard and mouse!
Do you get it?! Holy barnacle biscuits that's fucking hilarious!

-sent from Motorola Droid

look at this fucking frozen pigeon

You know it's cold in Philly when a pigeon simply keels over on the sidewalk.

-sent from Motorola Droid

Friday, December 18, 2009

look at this fucking drunk ferret

Dutchie is her name and keg stands are her game.
Photo courtesy of L Brand.

-sent from Motorola Droid

look at this fucking pensive squirrel

Plotting its revenge on those wiley Brooklyn chipmunks, no doubt.
Photo courtesy of L Brand.

-sent from Motorola Droid

look at this fucking whore cat

My cousin's feline friend, TJ. He enjoys running around outside, playing with toys and passing out like a drunk college student.
Look at him, baring his smooth lack of man-parts to the world.
What a whore.

look at this fucking desperate shark

this great white is so hungry that it can't resist the pitiful morsel being offered by tricky scientists.
look at the snack-sized fish chunk, and look at the size this massive shark.
the shark is just testing it out.
look, it's eyes aren't rolled back, so it's not in full attack mode.
photo snap! oh, shark, you got so played.
look at these fucking bedbugs. link

Thursday, December 17, 2009

look at this fucking stupid snake

a python was feeling extra selfish and decided to swallow an entire alligator.
shortly thereafter, this
yes, we realize you are quite a large snake but you should typically avoid ingesting things that are almost your exact same size, dumbass.

look at this fucking majestic goose

soar, goose, soar to warmer climates!
but if you shit on my coat i will kick you right in the tender goose testicles.

look at this fucking adorable devil

It's a Tasmanian Devil, and it will eat your face.

look at this fucking glorious eagle

this Harpy Eagle probably shits excellence.

look at this fucking dick nose monkey

hey, it's Gonzo!
Actually it's called a proboscis monkey, but i can still laugh at it.

look at this fucking courageous dog

this dog is missing half of it's limbs, and did it ask for a wheelchair?
no, it learned how to walk like a human.
courtesy of a colleague and fellow animal enthusiast.

look at this fucking genius cow

good job.

look at this fucking crafty octopus

the list of octopus skills sounds like that of a secret agent.
jet propulsion, ink-screen defense, active camouflage, ability to squeeze into impossibly small spaces, advanced problem solving and tool use.
and people are afraid of space aliens?
the real threat is probably hiding in your coconut.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

look at this fucking miserable ostrich

 it can't even fly.
at least penguins can swim.
ostriches can't do shit.
oh they run fast?
big deal, so can a cheetah.
what now, ostrich?

look at these fucking sloppy tits

look her boobs are all saggy. holy shit that's a human and she's nursing a monkey! that's fucked up! many humans won't nurse their own children of the same species, and this bitch is providing delicious nutrition to a primate. way to go, indigenous lady. you make most of the USA look bad.

look at this fucking deformed goat

you disgust me, but apparently the girl goats think you're hot stuff.

look at this fucking zonkey

not only do your appearances confuse me mr. crossbreed. but you have a funny name. apparently you can breed a zebra with anything to instigate humor. cheers zonkey.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

look at this fucking interspecies makeout session

how much did these dogs have to pay so they could play tonsil hockey with some horny dolphins?

look at this fucking boring meerkat

We don't feed you to sit around at the brooklyn zoo all day. Get up and entertain me you dick.

-sent from Motorola Droid

look at this fucking gorgeous bird

in most earth animal species, the male is the colorful one because he is trying to attract a female to spread his seed.
i should start wearing iridescent blue more often.
i also love that the male is a peacock, and the female is a peahen.
terrible names. thanks, science.

Monday, December 14, 2009

look at this fucking kitty wheelchair

you may be a cute and cuddly kitty but after watching enough sci fi in my day, i don't trust shit that breathes and has wheels attached to it.

look at this fucking jerk kangaroo

where's the referee?

look at this fucking happy fish

happy because it knows if you try to eat it, you will get a mouthful of puffer fish spikes.

look at these fucking lazy cats

look at this fucking unicorn shark

okay. im just kidding, its a goblin shark. but shit, it can officially stab me and eat me? im outta there.

look at this fucking cute rodent

eat all the broccoli you want, mister rodent, for you are fucking adorable.

look at this fucking lazy dog

ew her legs are so long. get off the couch!

look at this fucking hairless bear

bears apparently lose ALL of their visual appeal when they start inexplicably shedding that soft coat.
photo courtest of national geographic

look at this fucking terrified human

If you've made it to this underkept and newly founded blog, then you've officially reached the end of the internets. You've stumbled through all the porn, shitty flash banners, and weather reports you could ever ask for. So what does the end of the internet look like? It looks like this. LOOK AT THIS FUCKING CREATURE! The following posts and updates will be of every animal that this world is saving up against us to create entire mindfuckage.

Lets start: LOOK AT THIS FUCKING CREATURE -- no im not talking about the damn thing with its head in the window. Look at that kids face! WTF.